Why is There a Barrier Between My Teenager and Me?

Have you had deep, impactful conversations with other teenagers, but struggle to have those same meaningful interactions with your own son or daughter? If so, you aren’t alone. Many parents have shared with me that they struggle to connect with their teenagers on a deeper level. Like many Christian parents, your heart’s desire is for your teenager to know and love God, to play a role in their spiritual growth, but it seems like there’s a barrier between you and your child.

Why do we face these relational barriers? I believe this happens for two reasons:

1. Satan Hates the Family

Satan has sought to destroy the family since the Garden of Eden, and he continues to do so today. He caused strife between Adam and Eve that unleashed sin’s rippling effects across generations. As God’s people multiplied, so did the painful impact of sin—on individuals and families. Cain murdered Abel; Abraham and Sarah were childless; David stole a wife—and that’s just the beginning of the examples.

Why is this important to know? Because it reminds us that the barrier between parent and child is not just sociological—it’s supernatural. Discipleship in the home is spiritual warfare; therefore, you must lean into it. You must not give up when you aren’t getting anywhere, and you must pray. Prayer is your most strategic tool in the formation of your teenager’s faith. 

2. You Are Exposed

Another reason it is hard for you to connect with your teenager is that your sin is exposed. When you’re parenting a teenager, they inevitably see your strengths and weaknesses. In everyday moments, your sinful nature comes to the surface and you can’t hide it. When we are exposed, the human tendency is to become insecure and defensive. 

One possible reaction to our exposure is to bear down or to avoid it. Many parents do this; they simply act like their children don’t see their weaknesses. This is detrimental in many ways. If your teenager only sees you acknowledge your strengths, they will have one of two reactions: they’ll gravitate toward perfectionism in their own life or they will start to disconnect from you because your life feels disingenuous and inauthentic.

I encourage you to choose vulnerability over strength. 

Let your teenagers see your scars. Using godly wisdom and discernment, let your teenager in on your struggles and insecurities. And as you choose vulnerability, take it one step further by being willing to admit when you are wrong, to ask forgiveness from your child when you sin against them. Model for your teenager what Paul means when he says he will boast of his weakness (2 Cor. 11:30). When you do this, you’ll shine Christ’s glory brightly into your teenager’s life.